existence within a dream

( November 1, 2009 )

Hey there, guys. I returned from my vacation at midnight on April 21, but I wasn't able to update my blog until now. As soon as we got back home, I quickly fixed my things and fell asleep because I had classes the next day. As some of you know, I'm going to spend a semester in Japan beginning this September, which is why my first semester of classes began last Tuesday. My classes end in July, and when I think about it, it isn't that far away (only three-and-a-half or four months, approximately), but I can't wait for the semester to end because I'm already feeling the stress. Imagine taking Philosophy, Operations Management, Finance, and Marketing in one semester - that's a whole lot of paperwork, computations, and more!

So far, my professors seem nice (I don't know if they're also nice grades-wise, haha), but the workload - oh, I'm just scared of it. I have great groupmates, but still, I'm afraid of getting low grades - my groupmates are good, yes, but what if, say, the panelists aren't impressed with our presentations? Also, because I'm stress-averse, I balk when thinking of all the stress that I'll have to go through. I'm not used to all-nighters and not having the least bit of free time (even I need a break from everything). Moreover, I don't drink coffee, because I dislike the taste and I don't want to be caffeine-dependent. I guess I'll force myself to stay awake during those nights when we'll be loaded with assignments.

Sometimes I wonder if studying abroad is worth it after all. At first, I was so excited about the opportunity of going to Japan again - so much that I even made a mental list of things I want to buy, activities I want to do and sights I want to see in Japan. Thinking about it, I suppose that my hard work might pay off, that the reward for all my hard work is the fun I will have in Japan, but the problem is...

...will I really be happy going there? Here's the problem. I have two younger sisters; one's age is close to mine, while the other is just a child. The former and I don't get along sometimes, but lately we haven't really been arguing; she understands that I will be going to Japan, so that's fine. But the thing is, my dad told my youngest sister that I'm going to Japan for four or five months. What we didn't expect is that my sister would be really upset about it. The first time she heard the news, she cried so badly that we spent a long time comforting her. I thought that that would be the end of the story, but lately she's been feeling down. She's a cheerful child who laughs a lot and asks a lot of questions, but now she keeps asking me how long I'll stay in Japan, and whether I'm going to Japan for sure (I haven't received an acceptance letter, but from what I know, it's more or less set in stone that I'm going there).

My sister also doesn't like being left alone now - just being alone in a room (even though we're in the other room, or, say, in the bathroom) is enough to make her sniffle and cry about being left alone. She thinks that we might go away for a long time and not return, and when I leave for class, she asks me what time I'll return. :( It breaks my heart, especially considering that my youngest sister and I are getting along fine now (at first, when she was born, I didn't appreciate having a new sibling). I already explained to her about webcams, and I said that she'd be visiting me at Christmas (I even said that she'd be able to see snow, drink her favorite miso soup every day, buy lots of FMA toys and go to Disneyland), but she's still upset. She says that she'd rather have me stay at home, and as much as I like going to Japan, I kind of feel like I'd be happy staying home. I don't want to see my little sister crying so badly; such a thought actually makes me cry (I got teary-eyed yesterday when she cried after bringing up the question).

I don't think I can quit, and I'm not 100% sure that I want to quit. My parents also think that since we've made the necessary preparations, I should just persevere and continue. At the same time, however, I don't mind staying in Manila. I can have fun with my friends, be with my sister, and maybe not have to be so stressed.

But even though I'm saying this, I still doubt that I'll quit. So how can I make my sister happy? Even if I don't bring up the topic, she always brings it up. Lately, I thought of cosplaying with her before I leave; she's seen kids her age cosplaying, and she wants to try it out (only problem is that my mom won't let her). I was reminded of a flashback scene of Euphie and Cornelia (from Code Geass) as kids, so I was thinking that we could cosplay young Euphie and young Cornelia before I leave, so that she can at least have a happy memory or something like that.

But I wonder, is there anything else I can do so that my sister won't cry about this? Because it makes me sad and worried just thinking about how hard my sister's going to cry when I'm not around. :( She really loves all of us, even though we're a less-than-perfect family; she doesn't like it when we're not around for a long time (e.g. when my dad is away for business, when I return home late because of exams or night classes).

In literature, we have archetypes such as the Wise Old Man, the Hero, the Animus, Anima, etc. Japan also has its own archetypes, though I think the names of these archetypes originated from anime fans. Here's a meme about some popular archetypes commonly found in anime, manga, video games and other forms of Japanese pop culture; I grabbed it from Si.

( What am I? )

When: February 28-March 1, 2009
Where: Robinson's Place Manila

Before this convention, my friends and I had not attended any cosplay conventions for a month or two, so we eagerly anticipated this event. Luckily enough, we did not have much schoolwork over the weekend, nor did we have any other matters to attend to, so Andrea and I were able to attend both days of the event.

The Tagcom convention was held at the ground floor of the Midtown Wing (the newest, and rather high-end, wing of Robinson's Manila). "Karen" wasn't able to join us because she had things to attend to, so only Andrea and I went on the first day. The Midtown Wing is usually quiet, but when we went there, it transformed into a bustling center of activity on both days (especially during the second day). Because there wasn't any cosplay catwalk on the first day, there were only few cosplayers in sight, such as the D. Gray-Man cosplayers and an Yzak Joule cosplayer, to name a few. For me, easily one of the most memorable cosplayers I saw was a very cute and perky girl who cosplayed Ranka Lee from Macross Frontier. She performed onstage and projected really well; after her performance, Andrea and I were able to talk to her a bit because we were near the stage, and she seemed like a pleasant person. I mistook her for a foreigner because of her eyes, but it turned out that she wasn't. Aside from admiring the few cosplayers, Andrea and I didn't stay very long nor do much - we looked around, fawned over Lolita apparel and accessories, had lunch at Ajisen Ramen and decided that we'd eat there again the next day. Also, I looked all over for a talking Haro, because ever since last Christmas I've wanted to have Lockon's Haro for myself, but apparently the store that used to sell it won't be restocking, so I settled for a Haro plushie/tissue holder instead. I also bought a musical My Melody plushie for my little sister who absolutely loves My Melody. That night, I slept late studying for Law and Accounting, but doing so was worth it, as it freed up my Sunday.

The first day was okay, but things got really interesting on the second day. Once again, I went to the event dressed as Kaguya Sumeragi from Code Geass. This time, Andrea and I were accompanied by my dad and my little sister, Andrea's sister Angela and - surprise, surprise - "Karen", who arrived a little late! We arrived at the mall really early; there were hardly any cosplayers in sight which, at first, made me hesitant to get changed. But I thought that if I changed into my costume later, there would be more people waiting in line to use the comfort room, which would make things inconvenient for me and for everyone else (since getting changed doesn't always take a short while). This time, I tried not to be too self-conscious and didn't keep thinking whether people were staring at me. I think that made me feel a bit more secure deep down inside and enabled me to enjoy the event more.

Andrea, Angela and I couldn't decide whether to eat lunch at Ajisen Ramen or Tempura, so we flipped a coin and ended up eating at Ajisen Ramen. Since I recommended the place to my dad, he and my sister met up with us (we parted ways earlier as my sister wanted to look at other things) and we all ate lunch there. By the time we returned to the convention area, the place was already swamped with people! It was really overwhelming but nevertheless, thrilling. No matter how many cosplay conventions I attend, cosplay still hasn't lost its charm, at least for me. Even if the people are mostly the same, cosplay conventions never fail to excite me. I gushed and fawned over a lot of cosplayers and took as many pictures as I could. I'd like to name my favorites, but there are just too many to mention!

I experienced getting mobbed! It was surprising, really. I don't think that I'm pretty or charming, so I never thought that lots of people would take pictures of me. I was expecting to be largely ignored, but that didn't happen! There were lots of pics that I really liked. For instance, there was this awesome Zero cosplayer (whom I didn't recognize as Zero at first; I thought she was just cosplaying a Gothic character who kind of happened to resemble Zero), and I saw her kissing the hand of another cosplayer. I asked if it was okay if we could have a pic together with that same pose, and she obliged. I loved it! "Karen" even said that the pic was cute. As for me, I think I died of happiness inside. I even had pictures with/of Pedobear, Rena from Higurashi (including this awesome picture where she posed as if trying to stab/slash me), Betty la Fea/Ugly Betty and the famous Jin Joson!

Being photographed by people made me so happy because it was a sign that I somehow did well. (Unless they post my pictures to make fun of me, which I hope isn't the case.) At the risk of sounding cheesy, I find the experience of being photographed heartwarming. I know that my poses are limited, and that I look weird or awkward when I pose sometimes, and that I'm not sexy or pretty, but I appreciated it when people took pictures of me, so I tried saying "thank you" after people took pictures of me (I couldn't say thank you to everyone because sometimes, people just crowded around me and I didn't know whom to thank all at once).

Aside from the photo opportunities, other highlights of the convention were: one, being with the people who matter to me, and two, meeting people! Andrea, "Karen" and Angela, thank you so much for being there for me! I'm so sorry for the trouble I may have caused you, such as dragging you along, taking pics here and there, asking you to hold my things sometimes. And I'm thankful to my parents, because even though they don't really understand cosplay that much, they kind of support me (impliedly), and they don't think that we cosplayers are crazy (my dad actually thinks that cosplayers are talented in their own ways).

As for meeting people, oh wow, I got acquainted with a number of people! I met Isabel (sorry, did I spell your name right?) whom I saw as CC during UP AME's event and as Zero during the Christmas Toycon. I didn't get to talk to her during the previous events, but we talked a bit more today. We chatted about the possibility of cosplaying Hetalia characters (perhaps once I get to know the Hetalia characters better), hung around a bit and took pictures with and of each other. Then I met some people who still recognized me as Kaguya or as Yuka Nakagawa from previous conventions, which made me feel both happy and embarrassed - happy because they remembered me, but embarrassed because I suck at remembering names and faces. Thank you for remembering me, guys! In return, I will really try my best not to forget you. (I think I have facial recognition disorder, haha.) I also met my Livejournal friends, "Xedosarthea" and "darksage29" (oh crap, I forgot to ask for your real names), both of whom were really nice to me. Thea wasn't cosplaying Gino this time, so I didn't recognize her at first. She looked really pretty in her Japanese fashion-inspired outfit. "darksage29", on the other hand, was cosplaying Lloyd Asplund, also from Code Geass. I said that I felt like an epic failure, but he said that I wasn't, which reassured me. Aside from my online buddies, I saw familiar faces, such as fellow Battle Royale cosplayers, some of whom I didn't recognize at first!

On the way to the washroom, Ate Margaux (a.k.a. Midori), whom cosplay fans will recognize as the lovely and poised geisha cosplayer, asked Andrea and I for directions, so we suggested that she follow us. At first I was intimidated because she looked so regal in her exquisite geisha attire, but she was very nice. She even complimented me on my costume, which made me a bit embarrassed because her outfit looked way better compared to mine. Later on, I even got to talk with Ate Essa, the mom of Ysabel, a talented 12-year-old cosplayer. Ysabel was cosplaying Tianzi while her friend was cosplaying Xingke, and I was able to take a picture with them. I hope that I didn't look like an extra in the pictures.

It was so nice making new friends and meeting/getting (re)acquainted with online buddies! I'm sorry if I may have neglected to mention anyone here. I was glad to have met you guys, and I'm sorry if I may have acted awkward. I'm rather shy in person, you see.

We're still on the topic of meeting people, so I'd just like to say that the Tagcom convention felt like a mini-high school reunion. Why do I say that? Well, Andrea, "Karen", Angela and I got together with Charizze and Nicole, two schoolmates from high school who, to our surprise, turned out to be cosplaying as well! We may not have come from the same batch, but we got together that day because of cosplay. The exchanges we had while watching the catwalk, or just roaming around, or drinking milk tea were amusing. "No way; (insert schoolmate's name here) cosplays?" "Take off your headgear!" "You take off your wig first, so I know it's really you!" I was happy to have met them; it wasn't our first meeting (we first saw one another cosplaying during the Christmas Toycon), but I think we got to hang out longer this time. I hope we can form a small cosplay group someday. Aside from Charizze and Nicole, RB, another schoolmate from high school (and even to this day, in college), was there as well, but we didn't hang out much because he, cosplaying the eye-catching, attention-grabbing mecha that is Dynames, was constantly mobbed by people. They wouldn't leave him alone; if I were in his shoes, I would've snapped or had a breakdown! I hope RB was okay after everything; I regret not hanging out much with him or helping him out.

It was almost dark when Andrea and Angela met with their parents and explored the mall further, while "Karen" and I took a last look around the event area while waiting for my mom to pick us up. We went home at around 6 pm, tired but not regretful. Here's another experience that I can fondly look back on.

(Pics to be posted soon on my Multiply account. I need to rest first.)

I was looking forward to attending Victorian Valentine, but I decided that I won't be going. My outfit won't be able to make it on time (which is what I get for deciding on things at the last minute), and besides, it won't be fun going without my friends. At first, I had already made up my mind to attend the event even without my friends, but then I realized that I'd probably feel awkward. Some people that I know are going to the event, but they're mostly acquaintances so I might feel out of place. Ate Nami, thank you anyway for your offer! :) And to those in my contacts list who're going to Victorian Valentine, I will just look at your pictures and wait for next year's event (hopefully, my friends will be geared up to go, and I won't be rushing things).

So I guess I'll just spend my Saturday preparing for the Accounting long exam, which has been moved to Tuesday. Anyway, solving accounting problems on a Saturday won't be so bad, especially if I get a high grade (and I really need a high, high grade right now because I'm disappointed with myself; I set high standards for myself).

That said, I can't wait for next weekend's cosplay convention (Tagcom)! After all, it's been a while since I attended a cosplay convention.

However, I'm sad and disappointed to say that I won't be attending the Ozine fest. I have been looking forward to this three-day cosplay event, especially since the organizers seem to be going bigtime this year. Maid cafe? Lots of contests? A national cosplay competition? This might just be one of the biggest cosplay events of the year. Unfortunately, we're going on a family vacation, and we're leaving on April 2, while the airfare is cheaper. The initial plan was to leave on April 6, and I would've been happy with that decision, but it turned out that airfare was several dollars cheaper on the 2nd. I tried in vain to have our flight postponed by coming up with all sorts of reasons, but none of them worked. I like vacations, but I like cosplay events too. Or maybe I even like cosplay conventions more. *sigh* "Karen," Andrea, I was hoping we could have lunch at this Japanese restaurant/bakery I was talking about. And I wanted to cosplay too. Just take lots of pictures for me, okay? It seems there is no way out; we're leaving on the 2nd whether I like it or not. That is, unless a fortuitous event occurs...

* * *
The results of the JTA applications still aren't out yet. The suspense is killing me.

A JTA talk was held last Wednesday, and as of now, it seems that - more or less - I'm inclined to pick Sophia University or Rikkyo University.

During last year's Celadon week, one of Celadon's attractions was a fortune-telling booth. Despite not believing in fortune-telling, I find fortune-telling as fun as taking online personality tests, so I had my fortune told, and just to keep track of what the fortune-teller said, I posted my fortune in a previous blog entry.

So let's look back on last year's fortune! Yes, I am still surviving in Management. Perhaps I might not be in the right course if my interests are to be considered, but grades-wise, I am indeed fine, and my friends are always there to help. I am still a Dean's Lister. As for the JTA, the results aren't out yet but I hope I will be chosen as a candidate.

Nothing happened with regards to my love life; it is illusory as always. Besides, I do not think it is true that anyone wants to court me. Other guys I know whom I might fall for? I don't know because I'm a bit dense when it comes to these things. A rebellious person in the family? I think I know who. Regarding traveling, we did make two trips abroad last year, but the first trip was definitely not in May, it was in August. The second one was, as she said, made in October, but I'm pretty sure that was just a lucky guess.

Anyway, I think fortune-telling is a hit-or-miss deal, and it has something to do with psychology and reading people (the Forer / Barnum effect, which also applies to personality tests; interpreting body language / signs of emotion). But it's quite fun, so my friends and I had our fortunes told a while ago. So now I present to you what my future supposedly holds.

( Tell me why, or why not, do I have to be this way... maybe I overlooked something fatal for me... )

I'm pretty sure I should be studying for something - oh, like Theology or SA - right now, but it's a lazy afternoon and the computer lab is rather quiet, so I feel like blogging.

( Academics )

( Extra-curricular Activities )

( Personal and Miscellaneous Matters )

It's New Year's Eve, although it strangely doesn't feel like it. Today is just like any other day for me; perhaps it's because not much has been going on, and because I have schoolwork to deal with, which certainly takes the fun out of my Christmas break. Sadly, I don't have the time nor the inspiration to write fanfiction, and I haven't gotten any good books yet.

However, when I'm not surfing the Internet or trying to study, I watch episodes of Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni (a.k.a. Higurashi) in a marathon. As a result, I end up sleeping at 2 or 3 in the morning. At first I found it weird, but I'm loving the series more and more! With mysterious happenings, murder, paranoia, conspiracies, manic facial contortions, crazy laughs, blood, cute and/or good-looking characters who can be badass and/or crazy at times, and catchphrases ("USO DA!", "Au au au", "Nipaa~") galore, I'm getting hooked on this series! In fact, I only have a few episodes to go, so I hope that the DVD won't freeze during the good parts. I'm loving the last arc and the characters; even I find Takano, bitchy and delusional as she is, amusing sometimes. I must finish this series before school starts!

But Higurashi isn't the point of this entry. I stole a few memes to look back on 2008.

The first one is stolen from Ate Rina, a friend of mine on Multiply. I did this meme last year; I'm doing it again now to see how much (or how little) has changed.

( And the 2008 Awards go to... )

( Some questions from Richie's meme )

It's only New Year's Eve, but here's an advanced greeting from me:

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

In my freshman year of college, we were required to take six units of English (English 11 and 12) and six units of Literature (Lit 13 and 14). However, I was placed in the advanced program, so I took English 12 and then English 101, which meant that I was on the merit English track. I was assigned to the section M04, and initially, the thought of being with so many smart people intimidated me. However, I eventually came to love M04 because everyone got along so well, because I enjoyed the intellectual discussions and because everyone was so accepting of one another's quirks and differences.

Naturally, I was excited when Sir Exie suggested that we meet up for a Christmas reunion at Grace's house on the 18th. Not everyone showed up, though, but we still managed to have fun. Aside from eating and playing games, we had a good time chatting about how everyone's doing and what had happened since last year. We also reminisced on some good times together. Even though I wasn't able to stay for a very long time, I enjoyed being with everyone. I'm looking forward to another reunion!

Because our President, for some reason, declares holidays on Mondays, we're supposed to be enjoying a three-day "weekend": Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I haven't been able to make the most out of the long weekend because I'm doing my accounting homework, but I'm almost done with it, so I'll be able to relax in a while.

For now I'm taking a break from accounting because all those numbers are making me dizzy, and besides, I haven't blogged in a while.

( Personal Musings )

( On the Filipino Code Geass dub )

( On Petshop of Horrors )

Last Saturday, I woke up as early as 7 am and prepared my uniform and school shoes. Taking my time to prepare, I was ready to leave with Leslie about an hour later. We left for UP (University of the Philippines, the country's #1 university)... not for academic purposes, but to attend UP AME's (Anime Manga Enthusiasts, their official anime organization) fair, which, this year, had a Harajuku theme (Taking the Streets of Harajuku).

( An eyewitness report of the UP AME fair )

I saw this on Lesly's Multiply, and because I'm a sucker for personality tests, I decided to try this one out. The link is http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com; it's pretty simple - all you have to do to get your results is to enter your name and date of birth.

Here are my results (some lines are in bold because I felt that those descriptions fit me perfectly):

Hey everyone! I'm staying over somewhere for a three-day, two-night affair for org-related stuff. :) The place where we're staying is really cozy and the view is nice, too. And the Internet connection is way, way, way faster than the connection at home! I kinda miss home, though, haha. Anyway, we aren't busy right now since we just had lunch, so I'm posting this meme to kill time. I got this from code_geass. It might be a bit too late to be answering this, since Geass ended weeks ago, but I miss Geass so this is my tribute to a very hooking series.

Um, most of my answers differ from those of the majority, but I don't mean to offend anyone!

Warning - spoilers abound!

( The Code Geass meme )

A project of my school's Management Information Systems Association (MISA), this conference was held from September 20-21, 2008 at Robinson's Cybergate Tower 2. I applied for this conference because, as someone who has written a research paper on blogging and enjoys blogging, it sounded interesting, and because Andrea encouraged me to (but in the end she didn't submit her application in time, sadly). I didn't expect to be accepted to this conference as my knowledge of IT pales in comparison to other people, but I'm glad and honored that I was accepted.

At first, I wasn't in the mood to enjoy the conference because I didn't know anyone except for Kevin, and besides, I was thinking of the many assignments that I had to do. Oh, and this is going to sound really shallow, but at first I wanted to stay home on Sunday because I wanted to read spoilers of the latest Code Geass episode. :D

However, because of the group dynamics and the speakers' interesting talks on blog marketing and how the Internet has changed marketing practices, I was able to appreciate and enjoy the conference. I was also very glad that the organizers of the event really pampered us; just look at the ambience of the venue (very corporate and classy but I also think that it's perfect for a cosplay photoshoot; hee hee)! And our meals were very delicious; we had a hearty lunch buffet and snacks on both days. As if all those weren't enough, we also got lots of freebies from Accenture and Chevron. And to think that this was an all-expense paid conference!

For the culminating activity, we had to present an IT-related project proposal that would benefit a certain sector of the populace or organization, and to defend it. Ours was about helping the DOT enhance its website to make it more interactive - a cost-effective means of boosting its tourism campaign. We only worked on it for a night, but we won the project proposal contest! Yay! My teammates got a USB and other freebies as a result of winning the contest; now I have an additional USB just in case I lose another USB (which, I hope, will not happen again).

Oh, and I also got to interact with people from other schools. My groupmates for the duration of the conference were Bridgette from UST, Becca from Mapua, Mike from DLSU and Renz from Cavite State University. Being a shy person, I don't socialize much, but thanks to this event, I got to mingle with people from different schools and make some new friends. Thanks, guys, for being awesome and friendly teammates!

Overall, I'd say that the conference was a great experience. Thank you to MISA for doing a great job of organizing the IT conference!

Hey guys! I'm not dead; the semester just ended so now, after weeks of having no time for updates, I'm back and with lots of time to update! I'm going to start updating little by little and I shall also resume reading my friends' LJs. For now, here's the latest that happened in my life.

( Cosplay Mania 2008 )

Earlier I mentioned that I wasn't able to update my blog, no thanks to a deluge of schoolwork. In our university, we students have our own term for a week filled with too much schoolwork to handle - "Hell Week." If it's one consecutive week after another, leading to a month, we sometimes call it "Hell Month."

I thought I wouldn't survive the consecutive Hell Weeks that I had to endure after returning from Tokyo, but I'm glad I did! But did I just barely survive, or did I conquer Hell Week? Let's see...

( After Hell Week, I can look back and smile about... )

( And... what I want to forget but can't... )

Okay, guys, I think by now I should inform you about this. I learned about this months ago, but I'm disclosing it only now because I didn't think it would be right to tell people about it too early.

Anyway, as the subject line says, I'm leaving for Tokyo on the third of August. I'll be attending the first ever Global Leadership Conference, a project of Sophia University. Participating in the conference are students from four Jesuit Universities in East Asia - Sogang University (Korea), Fu Jen Catholic University (Taiwan), Sophia University (Japan - they'll be playing host to us) and, from the Philippines, ADMU. I'll only be gone for a week; I'll be returning on Sunday, August 10. Actually, the program ends on August 9, my birthday, but I decided to stay behind by one more day. I think that spending my birthday in Japan - shopping in Akihabara and seeing other sights - would be the ultimate birthday gift, haha. :)

I didn't expect that I would be chosen to participate in the conference. When I read about the conference in the JGSOM mailing list, I decided to try my luck and apply, hoping that I'd be accepted but thinking that realistically, others stood a better chance of being chosen. To be utter surprise and disbelief, i did get accepted after all! So now I'm really excited. I want to meet new friends from other universities, and I'm both excited and nervous about our presentation. The trip to Japan isn't all fun; there's a serious side to it - everyone is supposed to make a presentation/report about a form of inequality in his/her country, and we've chosen to talk about education inequality (i.e. the disparity between the quality of education received in private and public schools), because this is a situation unique to our country. I hope that we do well in our presentation; we've been meeting every Tuesday to practice our reporting skills and to discuss on what else we can add! Also, I'm excited about practicing my Nihongo; I hope that I can apply everything that I've learned in Nihongo class.

On the lighter side, I'm looking forward to shopping in Akihabara. I've already thought of the things I've planned to buy! :) Obviously, I'm going to buy anime memorabilia. And speaking of anime, I'll be able watch episode 17 of Code Geass in Japan (without subtitles, but I'll try to get by)! Yay! It's just too bad that I won't have the time to go to Tokyo Disneyland and Tokyo DisneySea, which I love dearly. But I'm going to see new sights and go to Harajuku this time. Maybe if I'm lucky I can get some Gothic Lolita clothes that aren't too costly.

Even though I don't really show it in public, I can't contain my excitement. But first, I have to survive this hell week. I've got three long exams - Accounting, Stats and Psych (the Psych LT is supposed to be on August 5, but I'm taking it in advance) - to take. I also have to report on the Pasyon for Filipino and a paper for LS. I hope I can survive this grueling week!

And, friends, I'll miss you while I'm in Tokyo! :) I hope that there will be affordable Internet access at the place where I'll be staying so that I can keep in touch with you guys. I'll try to bring home some souvenirs - with everything in Japan being exorbitantly priced, I can't guarantee this, but I'll try my best.

I tried to love accounting, but maybe it just doesn't love me back. :(

We had our first long exam last night, and after spending the entire weekend (and even Friday night!) reviewing like crazy and foregoing all else, I still managed to screw things up. I couldn't balance the trial balances, and worse, I'm pretty sure that I made a few careless mistakes here and there.

This is sad. I don't know if something is wrong with me. I practice a lot in preparation for accounting, and I understand the concepts. But for some reason, I can't apply them. It's pathetic of me, really. It's the same case with a few other things I suck at - usually, I get the idea, but for some reason I just can't apply the idea. :(

Well. So much for my dream of getting an A in Accounting. Ironic, isn't it? You know what subjects I'm doing well in? It's too early to say, but it seems that I'm doing fine in economics, Filipino, JSP 103 and psychology. Which, I know, are all non-Management subjects. Really, really ironic. I don't think I'm faring too well in Stats and Accounting. But before you think I'm failing these subjects, I must let you know first that that's not the case. I don't think I'm failing (at least not yet?). It's just that I'm not doing as well in these subjects as I am in others, and most of you guys know that I live for getting high grades (A and B+).

Maybe Management just isn't for me? I mean, if I could shift to another major, I would. I would be happier in another major, like English, or Literature, or Information Design. But at the same time, as much as possible, I want to stick to where I am now and not run away. Yes, I'm disappointed, I'm disheartened, and I don't want to know the results of my first long test. But even though Leslie and I talk about our longing to shift to some other course (ComTech would be a sort-of realistic choice, haha), I think I want to stick to Management. Even if I don't really like it, I want to prove myself. In dorky terms, I would like to pwn accounting and stats - to still try to get those elusive A's even though the first long test and the results of my quizzes (8 out of 10 for the first quiz, 19 out of 25 for the second) kind of killed that hope a bit, because I'm pessimistic like this.

Note to self: Must continue to fight! (Like Orange-kun is doing right now.)

* * *

Schoolmates, if I join an organization and suddenly change my mind and decide that it might not be worth joining after all, do you think I can get my money back and say that I quit? Tessa, after you left I had regrets about joining that org (even though we haven't done anything yet). Weird of me, isn't it?

Today I woke up with a light heart and a face showing no signs of stress, a rarity these past few days. Because of Typhoon Frank, classes were canceled today, which was a good thing (the cancellation of classes, not the typhoon, which wasn't exactly a blessing because it left a lot of casualties in its wake).

It was a good thing that I accomplished most of my homework over the long weekend (we didn't have classes on Friday because of a school holiday), because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be able to enjoy today as much as I am right now. Though I can't really say I'm enjoying because the perfectionist in me has this urge to go back and browse through assigned readings again and to review my homework. I was able to finish watching the first nine episodes of Code Geass R2 today - thank you so much, Lesly, for burning the episodes for me! Also, I was able to take a long and rejuvenating nap.

Doing regular maintenance on the Celadon website is a bit of a chore, though. Unluckily enough, the Internet stopped working last night while I was halfway through site maintenance. So right now I'm in an Internet cafe again - actually, I've been here for the past four hours or so - but it's lots quieter here than the last Internet cafe I visited. It's a bit more pricey, but still affordable, and besides, the marginal benefits (i.e. peace and quiet) exceed the marginal cost (haha, now the things I've learned in Economics are getting to my head). I hope I can finish all of the things that need to be done - or, at least, most of the things that need to be done - before it gets dark.

Tomorrow, it's back to regular classes. Back to Accounting 10 (I'm kind of neutral about this subject - I don't hate it yet, but I don't exactly love it), Psych, Eco, and, the day after tomorrow, back to Filipino and Statistics. If there's any consolation, I have JSP 103 on Wednesday, which is worth looking forward to, and then there's Recweek (Recruitment Week for student organizations), which is fun. So far, I've joined Celadon (our school's organization for Filipino-Chinese students), AMA (our school's management association), ALAC (Lingua Ars Cultura - it's an organization for people who are into foreign languages and cultures; I don't know any friend of mine who joined, but I'm joining anyway), and A-Stat (Statistics Circle - I don't love Statistics, but maybe I might learn to love it). Then I'm also joining the anime club and the Freelance Art Society. Yup, that's how much I love joining student orgs.

But for now, I'm going to enjoy this brief moment of respite - this calm before the storm, so to speak.

I'm going to try to make this as short as possible because I have class in a few minutes.

It's only been a week since school started, but already, I'm feeling stressed out. I was optimistic about the first week of classes, thinking that schoolwork wouldn't be that heavy yet, but oh, was I wrong. Accounting, statistics, plus long readings in economics, psychology and Filipino are already wearing me down.

I'm still trying to love accounting. So far, I don't hate it yet, and I'm thankful that my professor is said to be good. Personally, I also think that he's good, and it helps, too, that he is young and therefore, more understanding of the misgivings, confusion and animosity that we students might have with regards to accounting. He even said that he's going to try to erase that misconception that accounting is difficult. I can only hope he succeeds, and that he can convert me to his side, haha. And more than anything, I want to get an A in accounting, and I hope that this won't be mere wishful thinking.

My teachers in Economics and Sci 10 also seem nice, too. Based on what I've heard from others, both of them are nice and are known to give good grades. Since I'm a perfectionist who wants to get as much A's as possible, then that's good for me. Aside from getting A's, of course, I also hope to learn something from the subjects they are teaching.

As for psychology, the teacher has a tendency to discuss a bit quickly, but I like the interesting trivia that she throws in every now and then about the human mind and human behavior. Psychology seems interesting, but it does get a bit technical sometimes, what with the scientific terms. What I'm anticipating in psychology is the discussion of the different psychological theories, because right now, we're still discussing the history of psychology, which, admittedly, I don't find that interesting.

The two subjects that intimidate me the most - aside from accounting, of course - are Statistics and Filipino. Our statistics professor is cool and tries to make things as understandable as possible, yes, but I've heard that statistics is difficult, and that not much students get A's in the subject, which is not a good sign. (That must mean that the subject is, indeed, difficult.) I was crappy in statistics in high school; it was my least favorite branch of mathematics (calculus is better, haha). I want to get a good grade in statistics, but maybe statistics just doesn't love me. Let's hope that statistics loves me, after all.

As for Filipino, I got a terror/legend for a professor! She discusses a bit too fast and slips into abstraction ever so often. She tries to connect with the class every now and then, but still, I'm scared of her. I've heard that she gives out difficult tests and long readings (this I know for a fact, based on our first reading ever). I didn't get a load revision form, though, because, for some reason, I want to take the challenge. I will try to get an A in her class. Modesty aside, I don't think that I'm crappy at Filipino (but that doesn't mean that I'm a genius in the subject), haha. We'll see if this proves to be true.

The class I love the most right now, the one class that's keeping me sane and very, very happy, is JSP 103 - Intermediate Japanese. I'm taking extra units this semester because I plan to minor in Japanese studies, you see. My sensei is loads of fun - she plays little games with us to reinforce the things she teaches, and I even won a prize once (thanks to the combined efforts of my groupmates and me)! Even though I have to rush from Kostka to Bel every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, the exhausting marathon to Bel 212 is always worth it, because JSP 103 is the class that I look forward to the most. Now that sadly, there's no more Lit and English, I have a new reason to look forward to Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

So that's all for now - I have to rush to Kostka for Psych! I don't know about PE because the last time we met, all we did was to talk about what to expect, but I'm already scared, because I don't know anyone in my class and I suck, suck, suck at badminton - no exaggeration there.